My Blogs, Thoughts and Feelings as this Progresses

  January 10, 2011                                                                   

I just realized it has been almost 6 months since I updated!! I am very upset with myself for sort of neglecting this site. Its been on my mind, but I haven't found the time to update.
First off, the Charity event was a HUGE success. You can read about it on Lady Raider Football Camp
We had a ton of fun and were able to donate quite a bit to the Austin Children's Shelter for Child Abuse Victims. We donated it in memory of Vincent.
In October, Nycole was tried and convicted of Child Abuse and Negligence. She was sentenced to 3 years in a State Prison. I hope for her own sake that she spends those 1065 days rehabilitating herself and thinking about her son and her life, so that when she gets out, she can become a better person and go on to have a good, happy life- without her daughter. She doesn't deserve her and will hopefully not get her back. I am not sure that is even a possibility, but I know the family will fight with everything to keep her. 

The holidays came quick and I am not going to speak for anyone but myself, but Vincent was on my mind a lot. I thought it would be hard on the family- and it was in ways. But we got to FINALLY see Tarah and that was SO fun! She is adorable and just the sweetest little thing. 
I had got my Grandma a necklace- but decided just to lay it on her bed instead of having her open it in front of everyone. I wasn't sure if she would like it, but she did and I am so, so glad. The lady that made it for me, did a fantastic job. Her name is Deb and she is at Sweetwater Shed. If you want her email, just make a comment and include your email and I'll send it to you.
 The next few weeks may be a little tough, Chad's trial starts at the end of January. I am not going to speak for anyone else, especially because my opinions are always somewhat different than everyone else's but I hope that everything they argue is concrete proof that he is guilty. Personally, I have no doubt and my gut tells me that he did it. I still don't think he intentionally set out to kill him, but I do think that he harmed him enough that he killed him. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that he did it. There is just too much evidence pointing in that direction. 
I want for all these people that keep writing on the comments that Chad is innocent and was framed, to shut up. For one, even if HE didn't actually kill him, he did enough- that HE HIMSELF verbally admitted, that is wrong and don't get me started on the child pornography charges that were unrelated to Vincent's case.

I am so ready for this part to be over. I am sure Ricky is as well. 


July 20, 2010                                                                                         
Well, I am a bit stressed out. I am in way over my head with this Charity event. I am so excited about it, but yet, I am so nervous. Vincent is totally my inspiration for it. I know he is probably sitting next to me every time I make a phone call to a potential sponsor. He is there I am sure of it, because if you know much about me, you know that I SUCK at asking for money- even if it is for a good cause!

I am so incredinly thankful to my family for giving me the space and time to put this together. It hasn't been easy on them, so I just appreciate the fact that my children don't feel to neglected. I really feel bad about that. But as soon as this camp is over, I am doing nothing but things for my boys.

Last week was Chad's hearing and they are charging him with murder. I can't even begin to tell you how badly I want to attend his trial. I will likely do everything in my power to at least be there for the verdict. I won't go into detail the things that were said at his hearing, but you can read the articles, I have that page updated finally.
Wish me luck as I work on this camp. I have 2 weeks left and there is still so much left to do, but thankfully we have an amazing group of wives that are willing to help out wherever and whenever I need it!
June 23, 2010                                                                                       
I have had an AMAZING last few days- which is a nice change from my VERY horrible last week...
I have really thrown myself into the Charity Event this past week and I have received MANY wonderful donations and sponsorships from different companies and I am thrilled.   I have been on TOP of the world and yesterday I decided to really press my luck and see if I could come up with a great guest speaker for the event. Last year, our Charity theme was Breast Cancer Prevention and I had 2 amazing Breast Cancer Survivors come and speak, and I decided that it would not be appropriate for a Child Abuse Victim to come in and be a speaker. (Obviously:), BUT I really wanted to get someone that would be really touching, and put a personal spin on it. I thought about one of my family members, but decided that, that was not the direction I wanted to go because the Theme is CHILD ABUSE. Vincent was the inspiration for the event, but not the purpose. I remembered that the Harvey County Attorney said in the paper that in 28 years, this case was the worse he had ever seen. So then I got the bright and wonderful idea of CALLING the Harvey County DA's Office and I thought maybe I could speak to his Secretary about writing a letter that I could read at the Luncheon. I want someone to speak that isn't around it everyday. I could get someone from CPS, but I thought that maybe someone in law enforcement could explain the MANY sides to these cases. Anyhow his Secretary was very nice and I explained who I was and why I was calling, making sure to tell her that I wanted NO information on the case itself, this was just about general child abuse. She was so nice, but she let me know nicely that she couldn't give me any of that information anyway:) No problem, I didn't want to know anything anyhow! 
She put me through to the DA, David Yoder. I was literally shaking when I first got on the phone with him. Its intimidating talk to someone that you  have read about in the newspaper and I especially wanted to make it clear that I truthfully was calling for a specific purpose and not fishing for information on the case. We did discuss a few things, but nothing more than what was written in the newspaper.     I am not going to tell you much about our conversation, but that's the reason I want everyone at my camp!

But I would like to point out, one REALLY awesome thing that made me very happy:
You know how I kept saying that Vincent's death had to be for a reason and I felt that reason was to save Tarah?
Well I learned yesterday that not only did he save Tarah, but possibly a plethora of other kids as well. Apparently the town has recognized signs and have been making calls to the Sheriffs department directly about some cases. Some things have turned out to be  plausible and others were things that definitely weren't urgent matters, but the point is that People in that community are being more aware and more responsible and the department is being given the opportunity to investigate it.  He did say that there have been 2 (maybe 3, I can't remember) of other cases of definite child abuse and things those kids were hurt VERY badly.
   Mr. Yoder was incredibly nice, made me feel comfortable and made my questions and concerns seem important. I absolutely so grateful that he took the time to take my call and give me the opportunity to speak to him on this matter. He is a great man and I appreciate all he has done for my family.

 June 8, 2010                                                                              

I know I haven't updated this very much, I just needed to take a step back and think. There are so many thoughts, feelings, opinions that are still fresh that its hard not to let this consume me.
SO I decided one day that it is what it is. Its hard, it sucks and it can make you miserable, but you eventually have to move on. I mean I have to move on. Remember was a little boy that I only met 2 times, so it seems so silly to be so effected by it. That's what I would be thinking if I was on the outside looking in.
But I am on the inside looking in and its so hard to not think about this everyday. I miss Sherilyn. I miss talking to her and texting her, but now that she is back in Ecuador (which is NOT in Brazil by the way- kidding, its a joke)I don't get to "talk" to her at all.
Its hard to think of the good things that came out of this when you think that a little boy had to brutally die in order to make something good happen, but I believe in my heart that God has a plan for all of us and I believe that Vincent was sent down to protect Tarah and quite possibly Nycole. Don't get me wrong, Nycole did what she did, but that doesn't mean that she was never a good mom, because she was, I saw it. But I think maybe Vincent death may have helped her to maybe get help for herself. She'll do some time I am certain of it and she may lose Tarah in the end (I don't have an opinion on that as of yet and again ALL of this is MY opinions, I have no info on her case), but I do think she will get out and then maybe she can start her life fresh and clear and do something good with her life.
I think Vincent Saved Tarah from a life that could have been worse for her than for even poor Vincent. Chad having 16 child accounts of sexual exploitation of a child tells me that she would not have had a good life at all.
I hope that Vincent helps Ricky to do what he needs to do to be able to be a great father to Tarah.
For me he has done so much. May sound crazy, or maybe its something you've already read, but its still so crazy how a boy I met 2 times could have such an effect on my life. I have paid more attention to my boys, I am WAY more patient than I have ever been (apparently too patient judging from my 4 year old's little attitude he has recently developed) I used to crack jokes about "beating my kids" which I know every mom has said occasionally, but its never meant more than simply, "you better stop because I am getting so mad I might beat you" yet you are smiling or laughing the entire time you say it and your kids start laughing because you are smiling. Well, I have found myself not saying it at all and when I think of saying it, I stop myself and say something different.
Vincent's death has made me WAY more aware of people and how they interact with their children. This doesn't mean I freak out when I see someone spank their child in public. In fact in some instances I appreciate it. You HAVE to discipline your children and you have to be hard on them. There is a difference in spanking and beating. The 2 aren't even in the same category. You have to provide tough love! I am not judgmental by any means and my husband and I are very much ok with spanking. I was spanked as a child and so was he, and we are just fine. I swat them on their bottoms because sometimes Time Out just isn't enough. My kids know I love them more than anything. (and we use our hands only, no belts, or any item:)
One day I was in Walmart and Judson was in the cart- he was about 2 and Jace was 4- walking beside me, but would dart off. After about the 5th time I told him to stand beside me, I told him that the next time I was going to spank him. Well there was a lady standing nearby and she gave me the "go to hell look" that people with nothing better to do give. So anyway, I ended up giving him another warning and then on the next aisle, he does it again and yep, I spanked him. Hard enough that he understood, but not hard enough that he moved. Jace didn't even cry. But that same dang lady came over and grabbed my arm and told me that she would be watching me and if I did it again she would call the cops.
Really?? I mean come on! I won't divulge in the details of what I told that lady, but I will say that I DID tell her that it is people like her that probably raised brats that got away with everything. I was SO mad. I mean come on!!
But what I would liked and SHOULD have told her is that it is people like her that helped killed Vincent. People like her that call in to 911 and CPS and overload them down on silly little things like a spanking, so much so that they aren't able to get to the REAL cases because they have SO many to look through and investigate.
I am not saying you shouldn't be worried, but I think people need to look at the entire situation. My kids and I were laughing and having fun. The were well dressed (like all their clothes were on, shoes and all) and no bruises on their bodies AND my kids were laughing at each other. I think it was pretty safe to assume that I was in no way regularly spanking or beating my boys.
Sorry, I got off on that- touchy subject enough of that.

They charged Chad this week with 1st degree murder and he also is being help on charges of 16 sexual exploitation charges of child pornography. That's a whole nother blog- and I'll get to that later. I have too much to sort our before I begin tackling that topic. He's a jerk that deserves whatever the heck he gets.

Anyhow, I am in the process of throwing myself into the charity event for Child Abuse! I am excited and its coming along really, really well. I think it will be a huge success. I plan to make this bigger and bigger each year- even if we don't always choose Child Abuse Prevention as the theme. If you have any ideas for me, please feel free to email me or suggest them!!

April 30, 2010

I think I am obsessing over this. You know, I am the type of person who unfortunately likes drama, not that I LIKE it so to speak, but if there is drama around, I like to be in the know. I knew there was going to be a "fall out" so to speak, but I guess I didn't realize how bad it was going to get and how incredibly hard this was going to be for virtually everyone in the family.

After the funeral, I did a lot of thinking and that is when I created this website. I decided and wholeheartedly wanted the world (or those that were interested) to understand how hard this is for members of the family that are not even quite so close to the situation. So as I created this website and have started working on the charity, I realized that I was starting to somewhat close up. I have been unhappy and very sad. I know in "My Story" that I mentioned that I am on anti-depressants, but lately I started questioning if they were even working for me. Over the last two weeks, I have barely talked to my family members, I quit answering the phone and would only text, I haven't cared anything about football booster club and basically I haven't been happy and in fact I have been downright MAD. Mad at everything and everyone. It started after making this website.

My cousin Ricky read it and was unhappy with some of the things that i wrote. I understood, I mean I can ABSOLUTELY see how ME writing this would make him angry, but as I pointed out to him, this website is created out of my desire to show people how a Murder or a child abuse case can effect the ENTIRE family. And I want to do what I can to make a difference.

Make a difference- funny phrase because I used to make fun of that phrase. I know people meant it well, but really the way I saw it, that phrase is just a phrase with no real meaning behind it.
But now I understand what it means and I want to make a difference and after talking to my very good friend today and hearing a story that she told me about one of her students (she is a school nurse), I decided that from now on, Child Abuse Prevention is going to be my new booster club. I will finish my football BC obligations, but from then on, I am about this Charity.

Over the last few weeks, I have been stupidly reading comments on face book, which of course has spurred my anger even further. I have to QUIT doing that! Seriously a few weeks ago in a span of 33 hours, I received 221 HATE face book messages. I spent 2 days crying. I know its dumb- ALL of the people sending them were strangers. But I was having to defend MYSELF and my GRANDPARENTS. I only responded to 2 of the emails. I know it was dumb- playing into it and reading them, but its one of those things that you can't walk away from even if you try. Sherilyn was getting it as bad as I was and both of our super smart men told us to ignore them and quit responding. Although it was hard, we did and we decided to divert our attention elsewhere to something positive. LIKE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!
BUT, once again, yesterday I got sucked back into the face book trap, this time it was a bit more close to home and  I lost it.

What makes me angry is ignorant people and these particular ignorant facebooker's only got a small whiff of what I WANTED To say, but I kept my cool and I only said what I felt I couldn't NOT say, and kept it at that. I am now trying to go back to my positive thinking and positive thoughts on MAKING A DIFFERENCE.
Have any of you seen Bad Boys II? Whoos-Ahhh,  Whoos_Ahhh,
I am trying and I am doing quite a bit of Whoos-Ahhh-ing:)

I am also going to see how long I can go without getting on facebook. I'll let you know how far I make it! ha

More blurbs later:)